A Little Bit About Me

Welcome to TurtleMode!  We are going to be spending some quality tolerable time together so let’s get started with an introduction to the man behind the turtle.


  1. I’m direct.  I try not to sugarcoat my opinions.  I realize this may come off as arrogant and harsh at times.  I look back at my life and can pinpoint multiple times that it probably would have been better to approach topics with a lighter touch, but I’ve also noticed that gentle approaches are less memorable.  My intent is not to offend you.


  1. I’m NC-17, for mature audiences only.  If you are sensitive to cursing and edgier comments, then you might not like my writing.  Again, I’m not here to offend you.  I think that our PC society makes those crude instances stand out even more.  I consider cursing as both therapeutic and a great way to get your point across.


  1. I’m 30-something and financially independent.  That feels kind of weird to say, like I’m bragging.  I’m not.  One of the main themes of this blog will be how financial security and eventual financial independence leads to a lower stress life, which leads to happiness.  I like and encourage happiness.


  1. I’m overweight.  But I used to be obese.  At least according to BMI charts.  But those charts are also rather bullsh*t.  I’ve found some great methods that I’ve used over the last year to lower my weight from 240 to 200 while increasing my strength and flexibility.  I’ll share those methods with you.  I still carry too much fat around my midsection and from everything I read about where to carry fat, the midsection is the one that contributes to disease the most.  So, I’m a work in progress.  As all of us are right?  If I could just be photographed from the nips up and the hips down, I’d be pretty darn attractive.  Well, except for the receding hairline and bald spot.  My hairdresser (is there a manlier term for that?) still says I’m a “cuttie” and she would have no reason/incentive to lie to me.  Right?


  1. I’m kind of smart.  Again, not to brag.  My IQ from an online test (super scientific) was 127, which puts me 3 points below the Mensa requirement of 130, which is the 98th percentile of all humans.  But it all could just be a marketing gimmick to buy the “becoming a Mensa” subscription at the end of the results page.  Now that I think about it, maybe I’m not that smart and am just a sucker for good marketing.


  1. I’m a sucker for good marketing.  It’s why I drink Coors Light.  The whole “your beer is cold when the mountains turn blue” thing sold me years ago.


  1. I see things as grey, not black and white. There are 10 types of people in this world, those that get binary and those that don’t…

…I’ll wait…

Now that you’re done ROTFL, let’s get real.  Politics, religion, lifestyle, personalities – all are on a sliding scale.  I think you may tip the f*ck over if you’re weighted tooooo far to one side.


  1. I dislike the idea of identification with particular “group” (political party, religion, etc.).  I’m a very individualistic and free-market kind of guy.  I think that the more independent you are of government, corporations, religions, family – the happier you’ll be.  All those institutions will let you down if you put your faith in them to control your life and your pursuit of happiness.


  1. I’m not subscriber to a particular philosophy or religion.  Just be nice to people, don’t be a d*ck.  Too much I witness in today’s society is just people not be nice to other people.  My mom used to tell me, “Your candle doesn’t burn any brighter when you blow out other people’s flames”.  Write that down.


  1. I love to laugh. Don’t take life too seriously or else you’ll never get out alive…

…again I’ll wait…

I like to joke, I like to laugh, I like to be happy, I like to be positive.  You can join me.


  1. I encourage recreational drug use.  Whatever your drug of choice is – Vitamin A(lcohol), Vitamin B(ud, aka pot, aka weed), even Vitamin C(affeine).  Just don’t call Vitamin B…marijuana.  You sound like my old D.A.R.E officer and are instantly harshing my mellow.  On the topic of D.A.R.E., right there in the title is Drug Abuse Resistance Education, not Drug Use Resistance Education.  That’s the key, use but don’t abuse.  I’m a fan of Rappin’ Ronnie Regan but the whole “just say no” thing just doesn’t work.  Smoke a bowl, chill the f*ck out, and enjoy the ride of life.


  1. I’m an introvert.  So is about 50% of the population.  I think there is pressure at times to be extroverted in our social lives and in our careers, but it is okay to say NO.  No is a very freeing word.  No has the connotation of being rude but it’s more about being realistic about where your time and energy go.  You can’t be everything to everyone.  You have a limited amount of “give a sh*ts”, choose wisely.  And the wisest decisions you can make are the ones that make you happy, not everyone else.


  1. I don’t believe in unlucky numbers so I’ll stop here. F*ck luck, I’ll create my own luck.  Who’s with me?